The Crushes Page 10

  That was easy for him to say. She’d been trying not to think about it for weeks.

  “I don’t want to pressure you. I love you too much,” he said.

  “I love you, too.”

  Alexia walked him to his car, where they shared another long kiss before Ben left.

  Inside, Alexia went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. She found her parents there sitting at the island, their voices low. When they noticed Alexia, they went silent.

  “Hi, honey,” her dad said.

  “Hi.” Alexia went to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of Smartwater. “What are you guys doing?”

  Her parents shared a knowing look.

  “We’ve been discussing something.” Her mother got off the stool and came around the island. She pushed aside Alexia’s hair, letting it fall down her shoulder. “We wanted to talk to you about Ben.”

  Alexia stepped back, suddenly feeling the tension in the room. How had she missed it walking in?

  “Oh? What about Ben?”

  “Well,” her mother began, “we like Ben, don’t get us wrong, but we feel like perhaps you two are moving too fast. You are only seventeen, after all, honey.”

  Dr. Bass swiveled in the stool, leaned back into it, and crossed one leg over the other knee. Alexia knew that look. He was analyzing her, trying to get a read on her expression and body language.

  Alexia went stone still.

  “We think it would behoove you to spend a little more time with your girl friends,” he said.

  “I do.” Alexia tried to keep her voice level.

  Her mother busied herself at the counter, filling her teacup with more milk. “We’re not trying to butt into your life, Alexia. We’re just trying to guide you. Your father and I waited until we were married to have…sex”—Alexia’s mouth dropped open as her mother went on, oblivious to the discomfort she was causing her daughter—“and I think our relationship as adults is much more successful than it would have been had we prematurely shared ourselves.”

  Alexia blinked. Both her parents stared at her.

  “You did not just say that,” Alexia breathed.

  “Honey.” Dr. Bass readjusted. “We love you. We just want to see you make good decisions, and peer pressure is a very potent inhibitor.”

  Alexia closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Her parents were driving her insane. When were they going to get out of the house and leave her alone like they had been for the last three years?

  Suddenly, they were home all the time and, yes, they were butting into her business. All the time.

  “Thanks, Mom and Dad,” Alexia said, moving around them slowly as if they might pounce on her. “I’ll take into consideration everything you’ve said.”

  As soon as she reached the doorway to the living room, she bolted.

  NINETEEN

  Rule 4: Find out what your crush likes—hobbies, sports, music! Then immerse yourself in it!

  Sydney picked up her digital camera and turned it on, checking the battery. Full charge. Good. She threw the camera in her messenger bag and looped the bag over her shoulder.

  In the hallway, she knocked on the bathroom door. Her mother had come home late last night and Sydney hadn’t had a chance to talk to her.

  “Mom?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m going to the park. Just wanted to say hi. I’ll be home in a few hours. Maybe we could go get lunch together or something?”

  There was a long pause. Sydney pressed her fingers into the door, strained to hear her mother on the other side.

  “Mom?”

  “Um…how about we talk more when you get home, okay?”

  “Sure. If you need me or anything, just call my cell.”

  “Okay. And, honey?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I love you.”

  “Love you, too. Bye.”

  Sydney left, driving straight to the park. It was just after eleven when she arrived. Mothers were still there with their children. People were beginning to arrive to enjoy the outdoors on their lunch breaks. This was Drew’s favorite place to come and his favorite time of the year. She thought she’d surprise him by taking some photos and framing them; that way he would always have a piece of summer.

  This was Rule 4, the way she interpreted it.

  Sydney already knew what Drew liked and hated, so the first part of the rule didn’t pertain to her. She could, however, immerse herself in something Drew enjoyed.

  She found an open picnic table beneath one of the younger maple trees the city had planted about five years ago. It allowed her a little bit of cover while also keeping her shot somewhat in the sunlight. She didn’t want to have to turn on the flash.

  Getting comfortable on the table, Sydney opened her messenger bag and pulled out her camera. She turned it on and checked through the viewfinder.

  Off in the distance, a mother plucked her baby from a stroller. She rubbed her nose against the little boy, giving Eskimo kisses. Sydney zoomed in and snapped off three shots. She resisted the urge to check the results on the digital screen. She wanted to leave them as a surprise for when she got home.

  Sydney moved on, finding a mother and daughter near the pond. The mother pointed at the swans and the little girl crept next to her mother, moving slowly, afraid to scare the swans away.

  The mom produced a bag of stale bread and the two threw bits into the water.

  Sydney clicked off several shots. The little girl giggled as her mother smiled, watching her daughter and nothing else.

  A long time ago, Sydney and her mother were like that. Before Mrs. Howard became focused on work, they’d come down to the park together to feed the ducks. Afterward, they’d get ice cream at Dairy Scoop. Sydney always got the strawberry cheesecake, and her mother went with plain chocolate. They’d share, though, so Sydney got the best of both bowls.

  That seemed eons away now. As if they weren’t her memories, but perhaps someone else’s from a past life.

  Mrs. Howard had promised to cut back her hours, to be home more, but lately, she’d been slipping into her old routine, staying overnight in Hartford. Sydney hadn’t seen her since Wednesday morning and even that meeting had been brief.

  At least she was home for the weekend. Hopefully, they’d get to hang out.

  “Mom?” Sydney set her bag down on the dining room table. “Mom?”

  The TV was off in the living room. That stupid fish clock ticked its tail behind Sydney.

  “Mom?”

  Still no answer.

  Sydney checked the living room and the den. Then the bathroom and all three bedrooms.

  Her mother was nowhere.

  In the kitchen, Sydney went to grab a Coke, when something on the refrigerator door caught her eye. It was a note in her mother’s handwriting.

  At first Sydney thought her mom had left to go to the store or something, but the note was longer than that, a full page of slanted cursive handwriting.

  Dear John and Sydney,

  I wanted very much to make this work. I wanted to be a wife, to be a good mother. I used to be, once upon a time. Remember, Sydney? Sometimes I wonder whatever happened to that woman. Work took over my life, I don’t deny that. But I like working. I like working hard. I like the responsibility. I like being important.

  You guys take care of yourselves without me. These last few months, I’ve felt like an imposter in my own home. I don’t feel like I belong here, and I don’t know why. I don’t know how to fix that. At work, that’s what I do, I fix things, organize, make important decisions to make the company run smoothly, but at home, I’m lost, and I don’t like that feeling.

  There’s a huge prospective client we’ve been working with in Italy, and I was asked to go. I don’t know when I’ll be home. Or if I’ll be home.

  Sometimes I think you’re better off without me anyway.

  Remember that I love you guys with all my heart. Mom

  Sydney gritted her teeth as she stared at the note tacked up
on the refrigerator door with a plastic pineapple magnet as if it were a grocery list or something even less important.

  Tears blurred her vision, and she clenched her jaw harder.

  Her mother left? For good?

  Just like that?

  Sydney grabbed her phone from her bag and hit number two on speed dial. Voice mail picked up right away.

  “This is Anita. Leave a message, and I’ll call you back.”

  BEEP.

  “Mom! How could you!” Sydney screamed. “I hope I never have to see your face again!”

  Sydney slammed her thumb against the END button on her phone and slumped against the kitchen counter, the sobs taking over.

  “Just, could you sit down for a second?” Drew said, resting a hand gently against Sydney’s shoulder.

  She whirled on him. “I don’t want to sit down!”

  He pulled back, put his hands up. “All right.”

  It’d been two hours since Sydney came home and found her mother’s note. Since then, Sydney had called her mom’s cell six more times and gotten voice mail.

  And when her dad came home and read the note, instead of going into a rage and calling his wife’s phone, too, he just nodded his head and disappeared into the den.

  Sydney hadn’t seen him since.

  What the hell was wrong with her parents? Were they aliens? Incapable of feeling emotion? Why wasn’t her dad angry? Why wasn’t he slamming doors and throwing things? Any normal husband would be stomping around the house in a rage, but no, Sydney’s dad went to the den and probably started alphabetizing his history books.

  And her mother…

  Did she not care about her family? Had she not considered what leaving would do to Sydney or her husband? Instead, she just traipsed off to Italy. Working there was probably a treat. She apparently didn’t love her family enough to stick around to work things out.

  What had Sydney done wrong? Should she have talked to her mother more? Made more time for them to hang out?

  Sydney plopped down on the bed and set her head in her hands. Maybe she was the reason her mother left. Maybe she’d driven her mother away because she wasn’t cute and bubbly and warm like Kelly was. Maybe she should have tried harder, tried harder to be a good daughter. She had to admit, she didn’t relate to her mother as well as she had when she was a kid.

  When she was in elementary school, her mother was her hero. She wanted to spend every waking moment with her. And now, Sydney could feel the distance widening, even before her mother invested much of her time in her work. And maybe that was why she’d focused more on SunBery Vitamins than on her family.

  If Sydney had needed her a little more, maybe her mother wouldn’t have turned to her job.

  “Syd?” Drew said, taking her hand in his. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  She shook her head, kept her eyes squeezed tightly shut. “Just go,” she muttered. “I just want to be alone.”

  His hand slipped away. He got up, walked to the door. “If you need me, I’ll be at Todd’s.”

  “Fine,” she managed to say as his footsteps faded down the hallway.

  July

  TWENTY

  Rule 17: Always look your best in the company of your crush!

  Kelly grabbed her cell as it rang on her dresser. She saw a picture of Alexia on the front screen, her tongue sticking out. Kelly always giggled whenever Alexia called and that picture popped up.

  “Hey!” she said once she answered.

  “Hi, Kel.” Alexia didn’t sound as upbeat as Kelly thought she should be. It was Fourth of July! The day of parties and celebrations of independence! And most importantly, fireworks!

  “What are you doing tonight?” Kelly asked.

  “Going to the park. I’m meeting Ben there later.”

  Kelly sat on her bed and resumed flipping through her new copy of Teen Vogue. She scanned the outfits looking for ideas for tonight’s party. Not that she had, or could ever afford, the kind of stuff within the glossy pages. Still, it was pretty easy to find cheaper versions. You just needed to know where to look.

  “What are you doing?” Alexia asked.

  “Meeting Adam at the park.”

  “Yeah?” Alexia finally sounded upbeat. “What are you wearing? Are you doing your hair or anything? I told you that you guys were perfect for each other. It’s the Crush Code at work.”

  Kelly rolled her eyes. Okay, so she was thankful for her friend’s help and enthusiasm, but technically the outing tonight was just as friends, and Kelly wasn’t even one hundred percent sure she dug Adam.

  He was hot and super nice and had a sweet, sentimental side, but…

  He just wasn’t Drew. And she was having a hard time getting past that. It wasn’t that she was madly in love with Drew, it was just…oh, she couldn’t even explain it to herself if she tried. It was too complicated for words.

  “Do you need help getting ready?” Alexia asked before Kelly even had a chance to answer her last billion questions.

  Kelly was about to say no, she was fine, but Alexia cut her off.

  “You know what? I’m bored anyway. Why don’t I come over and help you fulfill rule seventeen: Always look your best in the company of your crush!” She pulled in a breath. “I’ll be there in five.”

  “Wait, Lexy!”

  The line went silent. Kelly pulled the phone away from her ear and hit the END button. She sighed, setting the phone and her magazine aside. Suddenly, she felt like stuffing her face with chocolate. Preferably chocolate chip cookies. Out in the hallway, she heard the familiar sound of video games blaring from Todd’s room. Todd shouted something about turbo boosts and eating dust, and Drew replied with a retort involving a boot in the head.

  Kelly looked in Todd’s room.

  “Hey,” she said.

  Todd ignored her, but Drew looked up and said, “Hey,” back, which prompted Todd to cheer. Drew turned back to the TV screen and groaned.

  “You’re done, dude,” Todd said. “Shouldn’t have taken your eyes off the screen.”

  “Whatever.” Drew tossed the controller on the bed. He rubbed his face, then his hair, leaving a trail of mussed black spikes. He looked so cute right now. Kelly sometimes wished she could squeeze her eyes shut and make him disappear. That way, she wouldn’t have to see him looking all gorgeous and Drew-like.

  “I gotta take a piss.” Todd got up and squeezed past Kelly, poking her in the ribs as he went.

  Ignoring her brother, Kelly went into his room and pushed aside dirty clothes on the bed to sit next to Drew.

  “You and Sydney going to the park tonight?” She told herself she didn’t care whether or not he went, but really she did.

  Drew reached over to the desk to grab his bottle of water. “Yeah.” He took a swig and twisted the cap back on. “About eight o’clock, I guess. You going?”

  Kelly nodded. “With Adam.”

  Drew leaned back on the bed, propping himself up with his elbows. “He seems like a nice guy.”

  “Yeah.” Kelly turned sideways, crossing her legs Indian-style. “He’s great and everything, but…”

  “But what?”

  “I don’t know. It’s just…I don’t get the click, you know? Maybe that doesn’t make sense.”

  Drew sat up and turned, too, his knee brushing up against Kelly’s bare chin. She shivered.

  “Yeah, it does,” he said. “It makes total sense.”

  “I want to like him.”

  Drew shrugged. “You can’t force that stuff, Kel.”

  “Yeah. I know.”

  “Maybe you should tell him…you know…before he gets too involved?”

  Kelly looked up finally and met Drew’s neon blue eyes hiding behind his black-framed glasses. He’d been wearing them more lately. As pretty as his eyes were, Kelly thought he looked just as good with the glasses on as off and had told him so.

  “Yeah,” she said, swallowing, “maybe.”

  Todd clapped his hands in the doorwa
y. “Ready for some ass kickin’?”

  “I should go anyway.” Kelly got up quickly. “Alexia is coming over.”

  At the doorway, she glanced over her shoulder and caught Drew’s gaze. He blinked and looked away.

  Heat crept up Kelly’s neck and spread into her cheeks. Suddenly butterflies were flapping excited wings in her stomach.

  She hurried out of the room.

  Alexia grabbed a green-and-gray striped tank top out of Kelly’s closet and handed it to her. “Try that.”

  Kelly sighed and turned around to change.

  “I think I like the jean shorts better than the khakis,” Raven said from her perch on the corner of Kelly’s desk.

  Sydney shook her head. “The khakis.”

  When Alexia decided to head over to Kelly’s to help her get ready for the Fourth of July party in the park, Alexia thought it would be fun to grab Sydney and Raven, too, and get all the girls together.

  And it was helping Alexia get her mind off sex and Ben. At least she knew tonight was safe. They were hanging out at the park. The park meant no bedroom and no bed, which meant definitely no sex.

  At least Alexia knew she could breathe tonight and just have fun.

  Kelly turned around and spread her arms out. “What do you think?”

  Raven shrugged. “I still like the jean shorts better.”

  “I like what you have on,” Sydney said.

  A knock sounded on the bedroom door. Kelly pulled it open and Drew sauntered in. He sat down next to Sydney, planting a kiss on her lips.

  Even he seemed uneasy around Sydney, as if she’d snap at any moment.

  Everyone knew about Mrs. Howard taking off for Italy, leaving nothing but a note behind, but Sydney wasn’t talking about it, just like she wouldn’t talk about Drew breaking up with her earlier in the year.

  She seemed fine right now, but they all knew her bottled-up emotions could pop on a moment’s notice. Alexia tried not to be the trigger, making sure not to mention Mrs. Howard or ask Sydney how she was really doing. Sydney would talk when she was ready and if she didn’t, well…then…they’d witness the breakdown, which would serve as therapy in its own way.